Mother- in-law problems

Hey don't forget Miss Attitude loves to give advice. Recently I've received quite a few difficult problems from some loyal readers. And today I want to share this one:


Hi Miss Attitude,

I have a problem. To make a long story short my mother in law is on disability because she has bipolar. She receives a check each month for around 600 dollars. She lives in a government place now for people with disability. Anyhow she is always coming to her kids and asking for money. The thing is her rent is only 100 a month plus utilities and she also receives food stamps. She absolutely refuses to get a job because she is scared she would lose her disability. She takes a lot of prescribed drugs and I believe she is hooked. But that is another story. The place she lives in is kicking her out because she has complained for 2 years that she doesn't like the rules so they have had enough and she has to move out. We found her a little trailer to move in. But now she is asking for money for her application. This is getting between my husband and me. I try to tell him that he is not teaching her responsibility by handing money to her every time she asks. She has 4 days until the beginning of the month when she gets her disability check but she will not wait. When she wants something it has to be now on her time. Then recently because of all this she calls her daughter and says she feels like killing herself. I take it as she will do anything to make everyone feel sorry for her and wrap all her kids around her finger. Help me am I just being mean? I told my husband if I took the check to her I am going to make her get dressed and go find a job. There is nothing wrong with being a greeter at Wal-Mart. But she refuses she would rather live in a trashy mobile home and feed of the government than get a job.


Dear Reader,
I’ve really done quite a bit of thinking about your mother-in-law problems, and no I don’t think you’re just being mean. But the answer is simply not as cut and dry as me saying, “Heck ya! She needs to get off her butt and get to work!” She is your husband’s mother and telling him how to treat her could possibly cause problems in your marriage. So you really need to ask yourself is it more important to make her earn her own money, which she probably isn’t going to do at this point, or keep the peace with your husband? If the money he’s giving her is money you don’t have to spare, then you do need to discuss a budget or allowance type situation for her, so she’s not constantly asking for me. There’s also the prescription drug problem which should not be ignored. If you think she’s addicted, then living on her own will most likely make it worse. It sounds to me like she needs professional help. You should discuss your concerns with your husband and suggesting she see a counselor or a doctor. I don’t think getting her to be a greeter at Wal-Mart will solve your problems if she doesn’t address her problems, whether they’re psychological or physical.

Stylishly yours,
Miss Attitude

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