Sunday, April 20, 2008

Do men only want what they can't have?

One of my loyal blog readers sent this e-mail to me:

Miss Attitude,
I was just on and there's an article about Anna Kournikova saying she never wants to get married.
And there's another article from her boyfriend Enrique Iglesias saying he's been trying to get her to marry him for months.

It left me thinking.. do men only want women they can never have?
I wonder how Anna and Enrique's relationship would be different if Anna had been leaving bridal magazines around the living room.. and telling him what size her ring finger is..
Perhaps he'd get bored.. and want to move on..?

Is the key to getting the man you want.. unavailability and disinterest?

Just something to ponder!

After reading it, I really started to think about what she was asking. Do men only want what they can't have? Well, Miss Attitude tries to not to stereotype when it comes to men, at least not too much, but it is an interesting question. If Anna had left bridal magazines laying around and professed how much she wanted to get married, would Enrique be as interested in getting married? And does this apply to any man?

After a lot of thought I've come up with the answer that it all depends. I've never been a "Rules" kind of girl, and I don't think being unavailable and disinterested is the best way to get the man you want, if he's a man worth having. And I don't pretend to know a lot about the relationship between Enrique and Anna, but if he truly loves her I think he'd still want to marry her if she was the one pushing for the marriage.

On the other hand, I think there is a little truth to men wanting what they can't have. And believe me, it's not just men, many women do the same thing. It's the challenge, the thrill of the chase. But when you find yourself in one of these relationships, I think deep down you know he or she is not really the right person for you.

Miss Attitude is a hopeless romantic at heart, and truly believes all of the games and the challenge crap go away when you find the right someone. I have a very very dear friend who in her single days knew a lot more about the rules and the chase than I ever did. When she went out, she was on a mission. But when she met the man who is now her husband, all of that b.s. just went away. She didn't have to play games, she didn't have to trick him. He fell in love with her for who she is and wanted to marry her.

What do you think? Do men only want what they can't have? Do you have a story to share? E-mail me at

Stylishly yours,
Miss Attitude


Anonymous said...

It's true. Men only, ONLY want who they can't have.

Anonymous said...

This is soooo True. I have a friend who is head over heels for this girl who is unavailable in every way. She plays with his mind and has basically told him that she only wants to be friends, yet he keeps pursuing it. I have told him multiple times that all he is doing is torturing himself. Recently he admitted that having met her was the worst thing for him, but continues to be friends with her. I believe that he continues this with the hope that one day he can say that his perseverance got him what he wanted. However, I am not so optimistic, he just needs to realize it will never happen.

Anonymous said...

I believe this is absolutely true. I'm dating a guy now that I really, really like. We've been dating for over a month now- I've dropped stuff to be with him and always replied to his texts and emails right away. Earlier this week I tried to give him a deeper kiss than just the "grandma peck" that he usually gives me and he pulled away. I asked if he liked me and he told me that he likes hanging out with me. He arranged for a date for yesterday, then canceled it a couple days before. On average we've never spent more than 4 hours together per date per week.. I don't know if I have screwed things up with him by being too available to him or not, but now I feel like he's seeing me because he feels obligated and I don't think our relationship is going to last too much longer :( I liked him so much that I decided to make the first move and ask him out- it's the 21st century, right? Now I feel like I've made mistake after mistake since the very beginning..

He's the first guy I have ever felt a serious attraction to right from the beginning.. we have a lot in common. I was turned off from him at one point, though, because he has a lot of female friends (he says he doesn't 'like' anyone else either). I've been left for other women before and I was scared, but I decided to try and get over that fear. I sometimes feel like I'm being blown off so that he can hang out with his female friends instead of me.

I've tried talking to several people about this and some say that I should get out now and others tell me that the relationship is still young and I should have more patience and give him time.

Right now, though, fear is taking over and I feel like I'm distancing myself from him so that I won't be so available all the time... but then what's the point of wanting to be with him if I build up a wall so that I won't care about him as much as I care about him now?

I'm really confused, obviously... but the "men want what they can't have" idea seems to be true in my limited experience.

Anonymous said...

I was recently in a situation tnat was very complex. I met a guy that was interested in me (let's call him DRAKE) while I was with my once boyfriend. I quickly turned him down and told him I was in love with my bf. Several months later my bf broke-up with me. Drake and I had stayed in contact as aquaintences on fb....nothing big....just a how's life e-mail ever couple of months. Once he found out about my break-up, he would e-mail me very sweet supportive quotes and poems. Well, I told him I had a little crush on him even when I was with my ex and I never did anything about it because I am pretty loyal. He responded positvely and we began a long distance relationship. People talk about sparks and fireworks all the time, but this was definately lightning striking when we started dating. It was the thrill of the chase, but he chased me as much as I chased him. Things went magically well for about a month, and then I made the mistake of telling him how much I liked him and how maybe in a few months I could actually move to be closer to him. He dropped me so fast it would make your head spin. I often sat analyzing and reanalyzing...did I come off as clingy? Maybe...but he had given me every sign pointing to he wanted something with me. Everything from taking me on romantic getaways to holding my hand and calling me honey bee...and singing love songs to me. His friends told me that he gets freaked out by commitment and getting too attached, and he told me that I scared him. Sometimes I sit and wish I could have been more distant and changed my past so he could be my future, but then I realize from the beginning that he only wanted what he couldn't have and then when I reciprocated those feelings he conveyed to me, he bolted. And now I realize that those sparks while very real to me...fizzled and the only reality is finding someone who wants to be with u as much as u want to be with them. And while it sometimes starts off that way like in my experience, a solid forever love is one built on friendship, trust, and courage....not just sparks and romance because those things are fleeting.

Anonymous said...

This is true @ post Dec 2011. I met a guy who was really into me. I told him at the end of the first date that I'm not sure if I want to see him again. However by the time I got home from the first time I met him he was saying things like he been looking for me for all his life and can't believe he's found me.
There was a attraction spark so thought I'd give it another go. I started to like him and then out of nowhere after a month or so he said he still really really likes me but he sees no future compatibility. This is regardless of him ever even asking me what I wanted in the future. He made all these judgements about me that weren't even true.
Within days he was already in talks with another girl.
Makes me think a) do these guys only like what they can't have and once they have it they move on b) are they insecure and commitment phobic to one girl